Waiting to be Discovered

It has been waaaay too long since my last post. I'll be honest, I'm just lazy. I come home, scrounge together something edible and then plunk myself down in front of the boob tube for the remainder of the evening. I've been so drained and hopefully will be finding out what's causing it soon. I have been rather productive in the world of photography so I shall post some of that in a bit, but before that I'd like to address the recent onslaught of children and attempting to do what's "best" for them.

First... Happy Meals... Seriously, what the heck is going on? How can anyone possibly wage war on an icon that we all grew up with? It's a "HAPPY MEAL"! It makes kids happy and isn't that what we're always trying to do anyway? You have these parents that are suddenly so concerned about their children and their weight. I hate to break it to you, but this whole country is a whole lot fatter than it used to be and it's not because of Happy Meals. I also urge mom and dad to look in the mirror because it's pretty likely the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. People are lazier and less healthy than ever and that is because we're demanding that lifestyle all the time now. We want everything to come to us and be done for us because it represents intelligence and wealth. It represents how far we've come. We complain if we don't' get our money's worth when we go to restaurants so now we get these HUGE portions and feel compelled to eat all of it lest we waste any food and money. TV and video games have taken over. We are so afraid to send our kids outside because of all the horrible people out there and God forbid, we go out with our kids to get some fresh air and exercise, so now you have couch potatoes budding at a much younger age. It's really disturbing to see overweight kids. I wonder how it's even possible to be so heavy at such a young age. Shouldn't it take a lot longer to pack on those kinds of pounds? So mom and dad, stop trying to pass the buck and blame everyone else in the free world... no one is forcing you to buy your kids Happy Meals and as long as they're not eating one every night, it's not going to kill them. Take some responsibility and teach your kids how to live a healthy lifestyle.

Next, let's address this story about the little boy who dressed as Daphne for Halloween. I thought it was adorable and I was glad to hear that the other kids enjoyed it as well, so when I heard it was the other parents who were making fun of the little guy, I was appalled. Once again, kids learn by example. No wonder we have all these cases of bullying and ridicule for being different from the "norm." How dare a grown person tease a little boy for wanting to dress up for Halloween. As the mom pointed out, that's the whole point of the holiday... to dress up and make believe for a night. It's just fun. Stop reading so much into everything and if someone thinks a little boy dressing up as a girl for Halloween will "make" him gay... then they are even more ignorant and asinine than I could have ever imagined.

I feel like instead of trying to do the best thing for our kids, we're destroying the very idea and joy of childhood. We are taking away any opportunity for them to be kids. The adults are so concerned with being PC and producing these perfect little people, that they're missing the mark entirely. We used to be able to celebrate Christmas and Halloween and all other holidays in school without worrying about who we might offend or leave out. We actually called it "Christmas Break" and we would exchange gifts. Now it's "winter break" and you can't decorate or have gifts for fear you might offend someone else's beliefs. I'm tired of having to work around everyone else's demands. Live with it and let the kids enjoy themselves. I just can't believe there are people who actually think about these things in these terms and then make such a fuss that the whole regimen has to be reworked to please such a small percentage of people and everyone else suffers. It's all getting so old. What has happened to this country?

So there we go... let kids be kids. They need a chance to make decisions and choices for themselves. You need to set a good example and stop expecting everyone else to raise your child and stop blaming everyone else and look in the mirror. Oh and let's also address the fact that if you're not able to handle one kid, then having more is definitely not the answer. People may think I'm selfish or that I'm robbing my son of a built in friend by not having more kids, but I'll tell you one thing... he's an amazing little boy who's so affectionate, sweet, smart, funny, and intelligent. His dad and I like that we can be with him one on one and we're not trying to hide the world from him and force him into a certain way of life. I want him to experience all there is out there. We are far from perfect, but we address each situation as we come upon it and so far it's turning out pretty well.

Skinny Jeans

So I think Hell may have indeed frozen over because I just recently bought my first pair of skinny jeans. I had told myself that would be the one trend I would never, ever follow. I've seen them on too many lumpy bodies, hugging all the wrong parts and thought it would never suit my chicken legs in a flattering way. So in spite of all that, I convinced myself to go ahead and give it a try.

I tried on a pair at GAP and carefully turned to the mirror expecting to scream in horror, but was pleasantly surprised. They weren't the most horrendous thing after all. I actually looked kinda cute and suddenly a whole new genre of fashion opened up to me. I started putting outfits together in my head and pictured myself looking New York chic with my jeans and a fabulous pair of boots and some wooly tunic. Sad but true, this is my life.

I refuse to be put into a category because of my age or because I'm a mom. I think if you can do it, you do it. However, that doesn't mean everyone should be doing it. I will not wear elastic waisted pants, ever. I will not sport sweats to the grocery store or don embroidered sweaters with animals on them. I don't understand what happens to women once they get married and have kids. I still love putting on cute clothes, wearing make up, and generally making myself feel pretty everyday. I wish more people would take pride in their appearance. I'm not sure some people even own mirrors. Maybe that can be my new venture in life... I'll provide mirrors to those less fashionably fortunate.

Kindergarten?!

So when did Noah become an actual person? I cannot believe he's a real live kindergartner. I thought I had more time to prepare... him and myself. All of a sudden, it's the first day and he's thrust into a throng of little people. He was very excited for this new endeavor and I was as well, but at the same time dreading all the horrible side effects that would come with it. In my true, I have to blow everything out of proportion way, I started ruminating over all that could and probably would go wrong at some point.

I pictured big, ugly, snot-dripping bullies picking on him. I saw Noah face planting as he stepped off the bus and ruining his newly fixed button nose. I saw him sitting alone in a corner too shy to make new friends. I saw all the punks whose parents were too lazy to teach their kids any manners or decency rubbing off on him and ruining all our hard work to this point. I know that he needs to grow up and learn to deal with the world on his own, but of course part of me still wants to keep him in the little bubble I've created so he'll stay safe, warm, and ridiculously adorable. I know this is only the beginning. It doesn't mean I have to like it.

Thankfully the first day went off without a hitch and even though he seemed a bit nervous once we were actually headed out the door, he enjoyed the day as I hoped he would. He enjoys P.E. and the bus ride to his after school care. I can't wait to hear about all the wonderful things he'll learn. I can't wait to see him continue to blossom and develop into an amazing person. I can't wait to see what his favorite subjects will be. He's already decided he likes the tallest boy in class... good job son, he can serve as your bodyguard against the snotty bullies ;)

This is definitely one adventure I never saw myself on and yet here it is. I hope there's a lot of alcohol waiting for me on the other side.

Therapy!

Wow, it's been ages since I blogged about anything. I was so gung-ho when I first attempted this and I just let it fall by the wayside. Let's see if I can't get back on that horse, shall we?

So, much has happened since my last post. The biggest thing is I've decided to give therapy a whirl. I've been going through many things for a very long time and I think my mind and body just couldn't take it anymore. I figured I would request the help of a professional and see what they could do for me. I've been going for a little while now and it's been quite an eye opening experience. It's actually more enjoyable than I ever imagined and has come to be something I actually look forward to each week. I feel like I'm taking out a huge bag of garbage each time and the house looks a little better as we clear the clutter.

I have a long way to go and our main focus so far has been trying to get me over my fear of flying. We'll see how much progress we've made as I'm going to be making a cross country flight this weekend. I've been attempting the visualizations she suggests, but sadly keep getting distracted by pesky thoughts about other more fun things or even less fun things, but definitely not about flying. My subconscious is trying to put the kibosh on anything having to do with flying. I will persevere though and I will get through this. One day I hope this won't even be an issue. After all, I'd like to go somewhere besides Ocean City for our honeymoon.

I think I need to start making a list of all the other stuff I want to address because there's a lot and I feel like I'm on a roll right now. I have a lot of life left to live and I'd like to do it in a happier, more normal manner. Til next time. It'll be more fun, I promise.

He Put a Ring On It!

Wow... it's been much too long since my last post. I've just been busy or tired or lazy. Probably lazy mostly. I had such high hopes for my blog. I guess it's not a completely lost cause just yet. Much has happened since my last post.

The biggest news is of course my engagement! I never, ever thought I'd be saying those words again. It's been a very tumultuous couple of years and sometimes I worry it's too soon, but at the same time, it all just came about so easily. The proposal was amazingly a bit of a surprise, simple, and sweet. I will be making him re-propose when he originally planned to though.

We are heading to California for vacation soon and that was his original idea to propose to me, but he got a bit antsy and I wasn't being exactly cooperative so it came about a bit sooner. It made me so happy. I also feel like I might go join the circus now too. I keep wondering what am I getting myself into again? I love my life with him, but of course I worry that I might mess up again. I can't go through all of this again. I think this life will work though. Marriage is a different thing to me now and I'm older and wiser... well I'm at least older.

I can't stop staring at the ring and I'm now in total planning mode. I didn't think I'd get this excited about planning a wedding again and we decided we would keep it small, but it's not stopping the hamster from running full speed in his little wheel in my head. I've bought the magazines and I peruse the websites all day. It's a bit sad.

I cannot believe how out of control wedding prices have become though. I'm in the wrong business! Even to have an intimate wedding I may have to sell some body parts. I don't know how they justify it, but I guess we silly woman-folk keep convincing people to let us do this, so they can keep charging outlandish prices for napkins and personalized mints. When will we learn?

Driving is like Coloring, You Need to Stay in the Lines!

If I almost die one more time this week, I'm going to get really angry.

Twice this week I was "this close" to a collision with another vehicle and there's no way either of these situations was my fault. I'm a good driver and I'm not just trying to toot my own horn, haha, get it? Ok, sorry, anyway, so I almost got into a head on because this person was not even on his side of the road and just kept coming like I wasn't even there. I actually braced for impact that's how close he was before he finally looked up and stopped. I about peed myself. Then there was this woman who was in a turn lane about to turn right when she decided she wanted to go straight as I was getting over myself. Thank God I saw her coming because she was about to make herself comfortable in my passenger side door at any moment.

I'm not trying to say I've never accidentally cut someone off or run a "pink" light, but I do think I'm more aware than your average driver, and more careful. I used to drive city buses for pete's sake, so I have picked up some better driving habits than most. I just can't seem to figure out what has happened to drivers in Maryland though. This isn't to say all states don't have horrible drivers, because they do, but since I'm living here now, I have to endure the idiocy on a daily basis now.

I really think these people believe they are the only ones on the road. They drift all over the place, they rarely stay on their side of the lines, the just merge in and out without signaling, without looking; it's horrendous. I have my son with me a lot of the time and that's what scares me more... he's too little to be in an accident and if someone's laziness and rudeness ever caused an accident while he was in the car I'd be in jail for killing someone.

My biggest pet peeve is not signaling. Oh my-lanta... you have a freakin' turn signal; it takes a whopping two seconds to turn it on, use it!!! It's just a courtesy that has fallen by the wayside obviously and it's not only rude, but potentially dangerous. The biggest offenders... Mercedes owners. I figured a fancy car like that would HAVE to come with turn signals, but from the obvious lack of usage, I'm thinking they've left them out on those cars. Such a shame to have spent all that money and not even get turn signals!

Do I have road rage? Sure, a lot of people do nowadays and I'm not sure where it's stemmed from and it's not a good thing, but if people would just slow down, realize they have to share the road, and just use basic common sense, we wouldn't have all these issues. I don't know how Noah doesn't have a worse vocabulary than he does as I know I've slipped here and there with my "french" when encountered with a poor motorist. I just don't understand where these people picked up all these bad habits and it's unfortunate because they will most likely teach their kids these bad habits as well. Driving really is a privilege and we act like it's a God given right in Northern Virginia. It's out of control. People are very brave behind the wheel of a multi-ton vehicle and that scares me. Get off of your phone, stop messing with your make-up, stop yelling at your kids, and pay attention and drive like your life depends on it, because mine does thanks and I'd appreciate you not trying to kill me today.

I Might Have One Too Many Pair...

I love shoes. To those who know me, this isn't a big surprise. I also love clothes, make up, product in general. I love shopping. Pretty typical girly things, but I'm now wondering how I got this way. I'm getting to the point that I want to actually pare down my possessions and I'm wondering if that means something is wrong with me.

I wasn't denied stuff as a kid and in the same turn, I wasn't that kid who wore designer duds and shopped at all the best stores. I'm not sure when the transition happened, but at this point in my life I realize I have a lot of stuff. I'm not a compulsive shopper by any means, but I could honestly shop all day everday and not think twice. I love the way new stuff makes me feel. The only problem is it's a short lived sensation, which would probably explain why I never get tired of it. I will literally spend hours in a store, walking around and around, contemplating my purchases and wondering if there is a better deal, something else I might need, justifying the purchase. It's become a science to me. If I had a degree in shopping, it would surely be a doctorate.

The only thing stopping me from having more than I currently do is the fact that I do have a limited amount of money to my name and a finite amount of space, but there is always hope. This is my grand goal in life, to keep shopping. Some people want to cure cancer and have world peace, and I am just hoping to have a closet big enough to satisfy my desires one day. I need help. It's really not entirely my fault... all these companies keep coming out with such adorable, enticing goodies, what am I supposed to do? I'm a marketing departments best friend. I'm the one they make the pretty bottles and "new and improved' products for. I totally eat it all up.

One day I'll be old and decrepit, but at least I'll look cute and smell good.

I Think my Ovaries Fell Out Yesterday...

So it was Bring Your Child to Work Day yesterday and for some God forsaken reason, I decided to once again volunteer to help out with the days events. How I didn't remember the torture from the previous year, I'll never know. What made it even more horrendous was the fact that we were going to have about 30 more children than last year, where's the ice pick?

Registration began around 830 and before we knew it, little ones and not so little ones, were all around the building. We always think it wise to load them up on donuts and juice to start the day, but honestly, they've proven that sugar doesn't really hype kids up... it's usually the fact that they're somewhere new with a bazillion other kids that hypes them up. I was sweating and I NEVER sweat so I knew we were about to enter a new level of chaos. I really had no idea what was planned for the day so I was just hoping 3 o'clock was just around the corner.

I thought it might be fun to get my own child in on the activities and told Dad to go ahead and bring him in. I'm a freaking genius because now I had my highly energetic 5 year old to watch after in addition to 20 other six and seven year olds. Joy. Thankfully there were other parents in on the adventure otherwise some kids would be missing today.

The day actually went off pretty well and the kids were mildly entertained and the adults were thankful for an early release. I once again was reaffirmed with the decision that I was right to have only one child. I just don't know how people with three, four, or 19 kids do this... everyday... for the rest of their lives. Maybe they use medicinal marijuana.

Perhaps I just don't have the patience and understanding that these parents of large broods have. Perhaps I'm selfish. Perhaps I'm not as adventurous. Whatever the reason, I do have a heavy heart when Noah mentions having a little brother or sister and I know he'll never enjoy that lifestyle. I do worry that I'm robbing him of some right of passage to be a big brother, but at the same time, I honestly feel he is so exceptional because of the individual attention his father and I can devote to him.

I just don't know if I could ever love another child they way I love him. I don't know if I could go through the difficulties that I went through right after having him. I don't know if I have the patience and energy to go through any of this again and some people will say I'm making excuses and if I am, so be it. I get tired of how people act like only children will be defects of society and that it's our duty to reproduce as many times as humanly possible before our eggs dry up. I'm also tired of the media sensationalizing these unusually large families and making it look like it's so much fun and these parents have all the time, energy, and resources in the world. I think it's a bit socially irresponsible and reckless considering how overpopulated and screwed up our world is getting. I'll save that thought for another time. I'm worn out.

People Scare Me

I don't know if it's because there's just so much more availability and access to the world nowadays or if it's because people really are that much more crazy, but I am constantly surprised and disturbed by people out there. It used to be a random story of someone far away and you'd read the story and be surprised and maybe a little disgusted, but thought it was a fluke of nature and you would move on with your life. Not anymore. These "stories" are popping up more and more and I'm truly worried for the state of mankind and for the life my son will have to live when he's older. Thankfully he has very little idea of what the world is really like right now.

So I hear this story on the radio the other day about a woman who recently found out she was pregnant, happy times right? but no, she has a problem... she doesn't know who the father is and there are three, count 'em 3, different men it could be! I was disgusted slightly, but not as much as when I started hearing the callers trying to help her figure out what to do. I was truly amazed at how many people in just this area have been in the same situation and they all talked about it so nonchalantly. I'm no saint, believe you me, but this was too much. Are you really sleeping around that much that you can't even pin down who knocked you up? Ugh! No wonder there's so much disease out there. I'm wearing gloves and a mask permanently.

Then I hear of a story of a person who intentionally threw up on someone at a baseball game, a child no less. I have a severe aversion to vomit and this story just made it worse. That poor kid. What is wrong with someone who would do this? And again, this is why drunk people make me insane. How is drinking to the point of spewing on fellow fans fun? There's a special place for people like this.

I could go on and on, and I probably will have more fun stories like these in the days to come, but I have a bad taste in my mouth right now, so I'll end this here. Have fun with the crazies out there!

Dog Poo Shoes

So my son is dropped off to me this morning and I go to put him in the car when I get a very unpleasant whiff from his shoes. I asked him what was on his shoes to which he adorably replies, dog poo. I turn them over and indeed, they both have dog poo on the bottom and it's all nice and worked into the tread of his sneakers. What an awesome way to start my day I think. At this point, I'm silently cursing his father in my head... how do you let your child go around in dog poo shoes? I tell Noah his dad is in trouble and he valiantly defends him. Poor kid.

I proceed to call Daddy Dearest and ask him if he even tried to clean the shoes and he said he did which I find hard to believe considering how much is still on there, but then I remember I'm speaking to a man and their idea of cleaning leaves something to be desired. Thankfully there is an extra pair at his daycare so as soon as we get there I ask for a plastic bag and explain the poo shoes. They will be delivered to Dad by the end of the day. Currently they are steaming in my trunk. Yummy.

What is Wrong with Men?

So it's not news that a lot of celebrity males are having issues in their relationships. I have to say I am so tired of hearing that these guys have "sex addictions" I am sure there's a such thing, but I feel like men are using this way too much lately. I find it hard to believe they all have a "problem." I don't get why they bother getting married if they know they like a lot of bootie. I'm starting to lose all faith in the institution that is marriage.

I am recently divorced myself, and it was my doing and it's not something I'm proud of, nor did I ever see myself as being someone who is divorced, but it is what it is and now I am moving on. I'm in another monogamous relationship and am quite happy and things are getting to a point where marriage has been spoken about and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It just seems the divorce rate is so high and people have such issues staying faithful anymore. I'm honestly trying to figure out why people even bother getting married in the first place. I know couples who have been together for quite a long time, they're not married, no kids, just living together and while they're not the best relationship I've ever seen, it seems to work. So what is it about people that we have to go through this rigamarole and spend all this money and effort to get some certificate that proves we did this and the tax breaks. What does marriage really mean anymore?

I don't want to go through this mess again... it's sad and painful and expensive. Is that what's keeping me from doing it again or am I just trying to really understand this whole "til death do us part" stuff? Am I making excuses to not get married? Do I just want a pretty ring? Do I want to avoid the whole "boyfriend" term? I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do or feel at this point in my life. I see so many people in unhappy marriages and relationships and I don't understand why they do it. I hear all the time that marriage requires work and I'm thinking, I have a job, why do I want another one that doesn't even pay me. I feel that if you truly find that one person that makes you happy and makes you want to live life, then it shouldn't be a lot of work. I also don't expect there to be rainbows and puppies everyday, but seriously... why put up with mediocre?

Then I see these people who get married over and over (Larry King, Elizabeth Taylor) and I am so perplexed. What?! Obviously something is wrong with these people. Why on Earth would you want to marry someone who's been married more than a couple times and on the same note, why do they keep wanting to get married when they can't seem to make it work? I guess I just don't understand why we try so hard to have these lifetimes with one person when there are so many people out there. I'm not advocating sleeping with everyone who walks through the door, but maybe we're being unrealistic in our expectations of life and our roles as men and women. Just a thought.

Here Goes Nothing... Literally

This is my very first blog entry. Why it's taken me so long to jump on this bandwagon I'll never know, but alas, here I am. I've decided I need more places to unleash all that is me and my ramblings. I'm hoping to actually do something productive with this blog so we'll see how that goes.

I'm going to be delving into parenthood and photography and just everyday life. I'm hoping it will help me get somewhere I've never been. I appreciate your patience and your humoring me.